he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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