He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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