Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
