I cannot find my penis.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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