I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
