Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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