So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
