You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
