So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
