My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
