I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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