Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
