Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
