I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
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When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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