I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Randomize
