so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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