there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
