the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
