cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have already put on my inside pants.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
