I only kidnapped one of them. chill
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
