The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
