He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
