A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
