If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
