so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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