he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
bring money and cleavage
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
