I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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