walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How external is "for external use only"?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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