we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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