I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
