Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
