all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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