Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
