What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
