Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
