Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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