I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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