Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
