My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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