Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
