I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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