He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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