i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
