I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
