You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
