woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
