I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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