I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
