so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
