Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
