you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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