big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
