I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i believe in u and ur pee
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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