I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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