You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Porn is love you can see.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
