I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i already hear my dad disowning me
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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