lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
