True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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