rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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