I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
