he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I want a musical about memes.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
