Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
